| Nov. 21st, 2005 @ 11:35 am (no subject) |
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Current Mood:  amused
This weekend had been dry. As far as I am concerned, the result was quite foreseeable, and if I was sober enough I would've never went with the plan.
Regarding the issue of alcoholism, I am not a fan of it. The lessons learned were memorable and worthwhile in the worst of ways, so let's just say, the past experience only taught me that I should not attempt related substances nor lifestyle.
What I mean by quitting the lifestyle is, the alcohol-perpetuated scenes. Actually, what is there to quit? I tried it, I didn't like it, I rinsed and repeated to try its effects again and it doesn't work, so why bother going back? The alcohol-perpetuated scenes I am referring to are: social-halls, meaningless "Let's see how many friends and friends-of-friends I have!" house parties, after-11pm bars and pubs, shitty-ass clubs, gina ghettogether joints, etc..
Many people would use the phrase "my way or the highway" with or without the pun intended for various types of situations, now so will I. I reacted badly when I concluded to such idea, as I am so influenced on Saturday night. To tell the truth, after that shot of godknowswhatever I did not remember anything. I think I took the 2nd hit but i don't remember doing it but then godknowswhatever I did and did not do that night and beyond. Adele has been the guidance who puts my ideas into feasable words and phrases all throughout my years of stupidity, and she has reminded me of how self-destructive I can become when I am frustrated. That is, like picking fights with people who I know I will not be able to take, or destroying things in front of my eyes, or like this time, eating/drinking all that is in front of me that makes me miserable, hoping life will start all over again when all current life is done with.
I must remind myself that my way of things should no longer bend towards the engulfing peer pressure that I never used to bend for as a socially-demented child. That is, my way or the highway. I don't care for all the love and hate I have for the world anymore; I must take good care of myself. I will still try everything more than once as that is part of my way of life. But I know I like things like flying kites, creating and participating in crazy phen-nom-men-non-nas, gallery shows, vintage shopping, camping and hiking, non-competitive sports, dancing, drawing on sidewalks, building treehouses or survival huts, or god-knows-whatever.
I have to remind myself that there are people who are part of my life, regardless of who they may regard me as in their lives. These people I will instinctually cry and die for. Other than those people, I have learned to care, but will not excessively care for to the point where I cry and die for them; most likely, only to the point of empathy that I can associate with. IF that even makes sense...
Oh, yes, and, of course, work. Damn, I'm getting to work late all the time lately. There's nothing really going on at work. |
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